Every now and then, I momentarily forget that when it comes to social networks, you only see what people want you to see.
There’s a reason why there are no pre-7am selfies floating around the inter web; who in their right mind is going to share a photo of themselves with pillow creases across their cheeks and puffy morning eyes? Oh no, the deal is that you pop on some natural make up, do your hair a bit and then post a photo with the caption: “Just woke up and am such a mess. LOL”.
Instagram is a funny old world and my insatiable sarcastic nature can’t resist taking a jibe at it. And apparently, myself too.
Let’s get down to the nitty gritty reality behind the shots…
Oh, Selfies. For those of you who have never heard of this phenomenon before (mum, I’m looking at you), this is the act of sharing a photo of yourself when you think you look particularly good. And Instagram is flippin’ full of them.
For me, the finished result is achieved after discarding 5 terrible photos which feature my arm at a dodgy angle and a series of creepy smiles, and then swiftly choosing a filter, blurring the edges and cropping it to make it ‘Like’ worthy.
Filters are your friends, people!
You can’t scroll through Instagram first thing in the morning or last thing at night, without coming across a photo of a cute animal. They’re literally EVERYWHERE. Cats, dogs, puppies, pigs; you name it, someones Instagramming it. Now I’ll admit I’m not the best at this category, actually the photo on the top right is my poor cat, Alfie, being blinded by the flash on my phone as I tried to capture him in all his Instagram-able glory.
The poor thing never could see very well again after that.
(Jokes. No animals were harmed in the making of this blog post. Hopefully.).
Oh yeah, I just drink Bollinger and hilariously named red wine, pretend to be in hipster bands, get gig stamps, chill out with black labradors and be around boats ALL. THE. TIME.
Hmm, alright, that’s not quite true. The reason why I snap these moments is because I’m frankly just happy to be out of my thermal pj’s and socialising with real people for a change. Now you don’t see that part, do ya?
Oh, food. You’re not a real Instagrammer if you don’t take a photo of everything before you eat it. Forget saying grace before you tuck in, I take that precious minute to document what I’m about to enjoy and then push it out on every social network possible.
Because everybody cares what you’re having for lunch, no?
If it’s pretty, it’ll be photographed. Done.
Right, I’m the worst for this and I apologise. Whether it’s Prosecco, cocktails, Cosmo in a can or hipster cider, I just can’t resist taking a photo of it. Despite appearances, I’m not always out drinking posh drinks with various bits of fruit stuck on the side of the glass. It’s like twice a week tops. Or maybe three times. Ok, no more than four times a week. Brownie promise.
And the reality…
Sometimes this happens:
Oh, and this too:
See, not so chic without a vintage filter on hand!
Do you see right through Instagram or do you love seeing how the other half (apparently) live?