I seem to keep having the same conversation regarding my single status.
It goes along the lines of:
“So, do you have a boyfriend?”
“Nope! I’m single”
“Oh ok. Is that by choice?
“What do you mean?”
“As in, have you made the decision to stay single?”
“Err, I guess so. It’s not a conscious thing, it’s just worked out that way”
“Cool. Are you looking though?”
“Am I looking for a boyfriend? I’m kinda focussed on work at the moment so that takes up all my time”
“So you’ve sort of put your career first? That’s really cool of you”
“Not intentionally, but -”
“Ahh, well good for you! I’m sure you’ll meet someone soon!”
Honestly, it’s exhausting.
Alongside the constant desire for a specific reason for being single such as “I’m concentrating on myself right now“, “I just need a little time alone“, “I buried my last boyfriend under the patio and need to lie low for a while“, there seems to be a common feeling that you can’t possibly be in a successful relationship AND be career driven. It’s like once you’ve found someone you quite like being with, you just throw your hands up and say, “Well that’s the career on the back burner! Now I’m in love, I can’t possibly have both. Darling, pass me that cookbook. I’m now a domestic goddess who’s only aim is to be in this relationship and make babies“.
Or something like that.
It doesn’t particularly annoy me, it’s just small talk, but this implies that those who are in relationships are less ambitious than us single gals who are fighting the good fight. The most successful and business-minded women I know are married or in committed relationships. They’re bossing both areas and still finding time to get drunk on gin and indulge my need to find pizza at 3am.
It’s true to say that work is my main focus. It kind of needs to be if I want to pay the rent each month. Being self employed is a stressful occupation and all my energy goes into making my business a success so I can sleep easy at night. But I’m a still normal 20-something year old who is a champion at procrastinating and spends far too much time thinking about boys. Love though, it’s just not a priority right now.
I’m also cautious when it comes to relationships. A few disasters have taught me to assess situations and tread carefully. I know, it’s not very rom com of me, but it works and I’m sticking to it. For example, there’s a guy in my life who is pretty important to me. He’s funny, driven, attractive and a complete science nerd. I know, he couldn’t have it all. We laugh our way through 2 hour phone conversations, both aware that we’ve got one of those rare connections. I’d go as far to say that he’s basically perfect for me.
But the timing is wrong.
We’re both carving out our careers and there’s rarely a time where we can be in the same place at the same time. He also has a really shit Nokia which he constantly leaves in random places, so I’m pretty sure he would do my head in. We know that if we get together now, it will be something that lasts a long time and we just can’t commit to that right now. Sure, we could give it a go and see what happens, but I’m pretty sure we’ll ruin something that if given a little time, could be great in the future. It’s a choice we’ve made and it makes perfect sense to us.
So yes, I guess career does come into it. But so does my desire to meet new people and eventually date Zac Efron for a couple of years (he’s my guilty pleasure, don’t judge me). There’s so much I want to do and being in a relationship isn’t one of them right now. I just really like being single and sometimes, it’s as simple as that.
No big reason, no damaged heart to repair, no boyfriends under the patio – just what fits right now.